Friday, November 6, 2009

Quotes From Robin Williams

Robin Williams is an American actor and comedian. Famous for his role in Mork and Mindy.

“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.”

“You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.”

“Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.”

“We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.”

“My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.”

“Poli” a Latin word meaning “many”; and "tics" meaning “bloodsucking creatures”.”

“Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose.” “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?”

“If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.”

“In England, if you commit a crime, the police don't have a gun and you don't have a gun. If you commit a crime, the police will say "Stop, or I'll say stop again."”

“Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.”

“I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you.”

“I like my wine like my women -- ready to pass out.”

“When you look at Prince Charles, don't you think that someone in the Royal family knew someone in the Royal family?”

“You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.'”

“If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?”

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Quotes From Art Buchwald

Arthur Buchwald was an American humorist best known for his long-running column that he wrote in The Washington Post, which in turn was carried as a syndicated column in many other newspapers. His column focused on political satire and commentary.

“Whether it's the best of times or the worst of times, it's the only time we've got.”

“It's easier to find a traveling companion than to get rid of one”

“We seem to be going through a period of nostalgia, and everyone seems to think yesterday was better than today. I don't think it was, and I would advise you not to wait ten years before admitting today was great. If you're hung up on nostalgia, pretend today is yesterday and just go out and have one hell of a time.”

“If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.”

“Tax reform is taking the taxes off things that have been taxed in the past and putting taxes on things that haven't been taxed before.”

“The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.”

“You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.”

“People are broad-minded. They'll accept the fact that a person can be an alcoholic, a dope fiend, a wife beater and even a newspaperman, but if a man doesn't drive, there's something wrong with him.”

“Every time you think television has hit its lowest ebb, a new program comes along to make you wonder where you thought the ebb was.”

“The best things in life aren't things”

“Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week”

“A bad liver is to a Frenchman what a nervous breakdown is to an American. Everyone has had one and everyone wants to talk about it.”

“I worship the quicksand he walks in.”

“The powder is mixed with water and tastes exactly like powder mixed with water.”

“Have you ever seen a candidate talking to a rich person on television?”

“I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.”

“Television has a real problem. They have no page two.”

“Someone's got kids who really need to do this. When an item goes for more than $10,000, I want to hear a cheer.”